A journey of loss, a journey like no other
“A human being is part of the whole world, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish the delusion but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind.”-Albert Einstein
This is a letter to those parents who have suffered the loss of their child/ children at any point in time in their lives. This is only to tell you that we know what you exactly are going through. May it be a few days or few months (inside or outstide the womb), or a few years, it still hurts like it all just happened yesterday.
To outlive one’s children is the most unbearable of human miseries. Even the most compassionate ones can never fully imagine the incomprehensible loss of a life that was just about to blossom. For the moms and dads who are embarking on such a journey -
- Be kind to yourself and your spouse. The loss suffered is an incredible and irreplaceable one and personally it’s the worst loss a person can experience. It will be incredibly difficult. You will go through diverse emotions associated with grief but be good to yourself and your partner. Only the two of you can pull each other up. People are different. Your spouse may take longer but be there for them. This can make and break relationships
- Healing does not work on a timetable. In fact, time often doesn’t fix such a loss but instead, healing comes from actively pursuing life again
- Getting to a better plane is a work in progress, whatever it may be and whichever route it may take. However, it is most definitely worth it. Often such a loss is preceded by an equally life-changing event that pushes one toward spiritual gains. Embracing it will make you stronger
- Well meaning people who try to help you but are instead overwhelming you with toxic positivity unknowingly, especially those who haven’t lost a child. Try and be gentle towards them because they will never understand what you are going through. And all that additional anger and remorse is not worth it
- Most prefer to just forget the traumatic experience but it never goes away. Healing only means one will continue to have memories without attaching intense despair or grief to them. Work towards separating the grief from the memories
- In the moments of time that follow, no matter how great the loss or how deep the grief, the world does not stop. Take one day at a time and you will realize you survive a day and then a week and then a month; all while you grow stronger, along with your spouse
- Learn to appreciate life for no child passes on without a legacy and a purpose for those that are left behind. It is up to the parents to honor the child’s legacy by healing for that is what he/she would have wanted
Our loss taught us to love harder and appreciate every single day of life that much more. It has taught us to reach out to others and begin sharing our story with the hope that it could reassure other wounded parents that there is life after loss.
